Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
