be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She even gives head with a lisp.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
