Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
