My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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