I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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