the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize