thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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