I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
