I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
