I am in a vortex of obligation.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
