Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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