She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
