It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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