It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
