So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
