I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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