I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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