I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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