Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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