never play flip cup with pint glasses
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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