i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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