Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
