i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
