So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just googled if crying burns calories
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
