i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
