if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
