I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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