have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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