did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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