My hair reeks of homosexuality.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize