My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
