The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
