I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
is that a dick in a sweater?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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