So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
