So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
