Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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