Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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