wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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