i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
