Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
