i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
