I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
