I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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