They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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