she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
