Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
