oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize