Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
