Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Rumble strips road head = magical
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
