My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
