Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
