I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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