She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
