So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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