when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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