my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
