did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
