TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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