Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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