Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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