whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
