There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
