Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
