I just found puke in my bra..
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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