Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
