You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
