There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
farters have to be the big spoon...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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