I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
