I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
